i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
