I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
