I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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