I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
