So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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