new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Success! We fucked roommates!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
