My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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