I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
