Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
