Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
