Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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