At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
