I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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