he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
