Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
