I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
