Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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