I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
