You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
