i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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