The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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