I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
