Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
