I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
