This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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