my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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