Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the day after is always just damage control
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
