have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
