Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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