yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
