Say something about gay babies.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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