Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
