I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
