if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
