why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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