so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
