I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
