so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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