So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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