Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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