Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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