I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
