trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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