Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
