I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
