she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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