i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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