Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Bring me that man meat
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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