so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
