I'm drive I can fine osifer
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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